


burns like everclear

by mangoedges



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Coughing, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Oblivious Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF), Precious Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF), Protective Corpse Husband (Video Blogging RPF), Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:28:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29394090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mangoedges/pseuds/mangoedges
Summary: He can't ever confess to Sykkuno that he has Hanahaki disease because of him. It would only unnecessarily burden him. Right?
Relationships: Corpse Husband/Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 37
Kudos: 350





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> What am I even doing, trying to write a chapter story...
> 
> Based on online personas, etc.
> 
> No character death, only happy endings here.

Corpse stifled a cough with one hand, ignoring the chipped black nail polish adorning each fingernail. He really needed to touch them up at some point. If there even _was_ a point anymore. He wasn't sure there was. Not if he was right about the shit growing in his lungs. Wasn't it enough for him to be chronically ill? Now he had to have fictional shit wrong with him, too.

He had certainly never read about fucking _Hanahaki disease_ in a medical textbook. It was just...out there. Spoken about in uneasy fragments because it couldn't be _real_ , right? He laughed bitterly at the thought, coughing up a stray flower petal and catching it with practiced ease. The green that stared back at him felt a little too much like mocking. How could it not? It was exactly the same color as Sykkuno's scarf. If Corpse didn't know already who he'd fallen in love with, he sure knew now. And it wasn't fucking _fair_.

The man was straight, for one. To be fair, Corpse had thought the same thing. Look how that turned out. He's fucking pathetic, staring at the few photos of Sykkuno he had been personally sent, biting his lip and trying to ignore the itch steadily building in his throat. He was supposed to stream that day, anyway. He knew he never showed his face, but he wasn't sure it was a good idea to stream, anyway. Not when they were supposed to play with Sykkuno. Not when his cough would- _could_ \- potentially out him.

He compromised.

"Some tech issues," he claimed. "But I can still play." The noises of commiseration were bitter to his deceitful ears, welling up with a familiar coppery taste in his mouth. It was bad enough that he'd end up coughing into his friends' streams, but he could just mute himself.

He hoped he didn't spend the entire time muted. Already his throat felt scratchy and _ached._

"Corpse!" Sykkuno exclaimed, his voice bright and full of the happiness he always seemed buoyed by. "You made it!"

"Yeah," Corpse mumbled. "Hey, Sykkuno."

"Corpse is having some issues," Rae informed them, repeating what Corpse had already said. The lie burned all the way down. "But he can still play, guys, don't worry!"

"You okay, Corpse?" Sykkuno asked, concern warm in his voice. Corpse swallowed hard, fighting the cough. 

"Yeah," he lied. It hurt to lie. It would hurt even more to tell the truth, he reminded himself. "It's fine. I just- I hate to let people down, you know..."

"It happens," Sykkuno said, trying to reassure him. "You can't help having tech issues, Corpse. It's okay. I'm sure everyone will understand."

"Ye- yeah," he agreed hesitantly. Then the game started, and he had to try and throw himself into what felt like a confusing morass. And he couldn't stop fucking coughing, now that they were all deafened on Discord. He spat out a handful of bloody petals onto his desk and winced. It was getting worse. A lot worse. He should have known that it would worsen, but he couldn't just avoid Sykkuno.

He would rather die than do that.

Of course, it looked like he was going to die from _not_ doing that, too, so maybe he had to just choose the lesser of two evils and hope for the best. And the lesser of two evils was definitely not just _ignoring_ Sykkuno.

No matter how much it hurt, Corpse knew he couldn't do that.

On screen, Rae killed him and booked it for the nearest vent. He couldn't help but feel like it was some kind of warning from fate, even as Sykkuno found his body and started the Discord conversation with a dramatic, "Who could have killed _Corpse_ , guys?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, working through my own issues with chronic illness a little in this fic? Say it ain't so.

It got worse.

He expected it- from what he'd heard, it wasn't uncommon, it was the natural progression if no confession was forthcoming- but that didn't make it hurt any less. In some ways, it made it hurt even _more_. His throat ached constantly now, and it wasn't just from the GERD, although he was sure that wasn't helping. Every time he coughed, blood tinged his lips, filled his mouth with the grim taste of metal. He savored it the way he might savor a kiss, and he hated himself for it.

He was dying, and the only thing he could think about was how to lessen the impact on Sykkuno. On everyone, really. But mainly Sykkuno.

Corpse started to drift away, bit by bit. It wasn't easy. No one wanted to let him go. His texts slowly filled with concern, more and more sharp as time went on. He still showed up for Among Us lobbies- he couldn't force himself to stay away from them- but otherwise, he felt a little like the world's shittiest ghost. He didn't pop in on Discord, although he couldn't stay away from Sykkuno's stream, no matter what he was streaming. He didn't care if it meant that his eyes got to drink in Sykkuno, in various shades of hoodie. Every time he covered his mouth to smile or laugh, Corpse wished he could see it properly. Wished that he could see mirth or joy light up Sykkuno's face, unfettered by his fingers.

It was selfish, but Corpse had never claimed he wasn't a selfish man.

Not so selfish he could put _this_ on Sykkuno's shoulders, though. His own shook as he coughed, hand clamped over his mouth to catch the blood-soaked green petals. He almost never wore his mask around his house anymore. There was no point, not after the last time he had a coughing fit and filled the mask with blood-speckled petals. It was cloying- _choking_ \- and for a heart-stopping second, he'd felt already dead, wreathed in a garden of his own mistakes.

It still wasn't enough to push Corpse to actually _tell_ him, of course.

What did he have to offer Sykkuno? A few fleeting moments of fame? A deep voice? A shitty, broken body that would almost certainly get shittier and more broken? Chronic illness had already taken and taken from him, but he knew it wasn't done. That wasn't how it worked. Could he really expect _anyone_ to put up with that, never mind _Sykkuno_? Sykkuno deserved the _world_. Deserved the _universe_ on a silver platter. Deserved someone who'd take him for coffee dates and long walks with Bimbus. Deserved someone who wasn't an agoraphobic, anxiety-riddled disaster. Who could love him the way he deserved to be loved, with heart, body, and soul. Corpse couldn't do that. Corpse couldn't do _anything_. 

His phone buzzed.

_Sykkuno: hey_

_Corpse: hey :) what's up_

_Sykkuno: u ok?_

_Corpse: of course! why wouldn't i be?_

_Sykkuno: idk just a feeling :/_

The urge to cough became overwhelming. Bloodied flower petals floated to the floor, in a drift between Corpse's feet. He ignored them. He ignored them a lot these days.

_Corpse: idk maybe a little_

"Why did I say that?" Corpse demanded of the blood-fogged air around him. "Why did I-" Sykkuno was already replying. He squinted at his phone screen. Flowers bulged from his lungs, thorns jabbing the vulnerable insides of his throat.

_Sykkuno: what's wrong? <3_

_Corpse: ...i shouldn't have said anything, i'm sorry_

_Sykkuno: don't be sorry!! i want to help <3_

_Corpse: you're the best friend i could ever have. i just um. want you to know that. okay?_

_Sykkuno: corpse???_

_Sykkuno: you're my best friend too_

_Sykkuno: but why are you telling me that like_

_Sykkuno: it feels like a goodbye???_

_Sykkuno: corpse please answer me_

_Sykkuno: i'm gonna call i hope that's ok i just_

_Sykkuno: i need to see you're ok_

_Sykkuno: corpse??_


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day! ♥

He answered because he was an idiot.

He accepted the video call because he was a _selfish_ idiot.

He aimed the camera more at his chest, after carefully inspecting his front for any stray flower petals. He didn't think he would be able to lie convincingly enough if Sykkuno saw one. After all, what was he supposed to say? He had a newfound interest in horticulture? The blood was just because he's edgy?

"Sorry," he wheezed the instant he picked up.

"Corpse?" Sykkuno's voice, soft and lilting with worry, made his throat burn. He buried the urge to cough next to his dreams.

"Sykkuno," he managed to rasp out. "Sorry. I uh, I didn't mean to make you worry."

"You don't need to apologize, Corpse," Sykkuno told him. "I- I care about you. You're my best friend. I want you to be okay."

"Yeah, I uh, I know," Corpse said, with a ragged sigh. His chest tightened.

"Can I help?" Sykkuno asked. _Not unless you know a cure for Hanahaki disease that doesn't involve confession like a lovesick idiot,_ Corpse thought.

"Wait, what?" Sykkuno gasped. Corpse felt like he'd been dunked in ice water. Horror crept along each vein like a living thing. Had he just said that _out loud_?

"Hana- _Corpse_ ," Sykkuno whispered. He sounded horrified. "Corpse, you gotta- you gotta tell them, you-"

"No," Corpse said, taking another jagged breath. The flowers in his lungs shifted with each movement, sending fresh stabs of pain through his ribs. "I- I don't have to do _anything_ , I- I _can't_ -"

"But Corpse- if you don't, you'll-"

"I know," Corpse mumbled. He didn't want to hear the words, so stark. He already knew he was going to die. Did he have to hear it fall from _Sykkuno's_ pretty lips?

"Please," Sykkuno begged, and Corpse felt his heart crack under the weight of that plea. He closed his eyes, his chest on fire.

"I can't," he finally repeated. "They- I- I couldn't do that to him, couldn't force that on-"

"Him?" Of course Sykkuno picked up on his slip of the tongue. Of course.

"Never mind," Corpse husked out, his voice low and gravelly and painful. "Sykkuno, I-" He coughed then, finally, an explosive outburst that left him panting, flower petals like a snow drift down his chest. He could _see_ Sykkuno's horrified gaze alight on the bloody petals, could _see_ the wheels turning behind those pretty eyes, trying to figure out what green meant. _Who_ green meant.

He saw the realization finally bloom in Sykkuno's eyes and his knees sagged. If he had been standing, he would have fallen. Instead, he sprawled gracelessly on the couch, the phone accidentally shifting and showing the heaps of bloodstained flower petals around him.

"Corpse?" Sykkuno asked in a tiny voice. "Do you- is it-" Sykkuno nervously chewed on his bottom lip. "Is it- is it _me_?"

"Yes," Corpse finally gave in to the inevitable and confessed. It hurt even more, the thorns in his lungs seizing up. "I'm sorry, Sykkuno, I shouldn't have answered, I should have-"

"But Corpse," Sykkuno gently interrupted. His eyes were soft and full of something Corpse couldn't identify. "Don't you know?"

"Know what?" Corpse asked, afraid to hear the answer. He coughed and petals bubbled wetly on his lips.

"That I love you," Sykkuno said softly and punched the air out of his lungs. Corpse's mouth sagged open, his jaw dropping as he stared at Sykkuno's quietly determined face.

"You-" Corpse finally managed to spit out, petals tumbling down his chin. "But-"

"What?" Sykkuno asked. He looked almost serene now. An angel in contrast to Corpse's demons.

"You don't even know what I look like," Corpse sputtered. Sykkuno shrugged.

"I don't need to," he said. "I fell in love with _you_ , Corpse. Not your face."

"But-" Corpse repeated dumbly. Before he could think better of it, he tipped his phone up, squeezing his eyelids tightly shut until he saw stars.

Then he opened them and stared into Sykkuno's wondering expression.

"You're beautiful," fell from Sykkuno's lips. A bitter laugh escaped Corpse as his hand drifted up, traced over some of the scars. 

"You are," Sykkuno insisted. "You're _Corpse_. It's _your_ face and I love it."

"You do?" Corpse asked lowly. Sykkuno nodded.

"I wanna see you," Corpse blurted out. "I- I mean-"

"I'll come there," Sykkuno offered. Corpse took a glance at his apartment and blanched. It smelled like death and rotting flowers. Sykkuno deserved so much better than to walk into a flowery graveyard. He couldn't come _here_.

"Um," Corpse said. "What if- what if I come there instead?" Sykkuno leaned forward, his face filled with gentle concern.

"Are you sure you can?" Sykkuno asked. "You- are you still sick?"

"I think I will be until I can convince myself you're real," Corpse admitted in an embarrassed rumble.

"Then come visit me," Sykkuno said. Corpse's phone buzzed a second later.

It was his address.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is the end. For now, anyway, I don't know if I'll ever write a sequel or something. I want to write something longer next, but I don't know what to do it about yet.

The drive was a nightmare Corpse would prefer never to repeat. He had to wear his mask because he was outside, but at the same time, all the mask did was hinder his already labored breathing and catch stray flower petals, still soggy with blood. It was a good thing his mask was black, or anyone driving by would have thought he was dying or something. He finally resorted to lifting the mask up at irregular intervals and spitting petals into his lap. Again, he was glad he wore black jeans. 

Of course, Sykkuno could never check out his car, since it too smelled like a flower cemetery. Corpse frowned, looking at the bedraggled flower petals scattered around his seat, edges tinged with blood. It wouldn't feel real until he could see Sykkuno face to face, it seemed. He couldn't quite believe that it wasn't pity until he _saw_ it.

Fuck.

The sun was starting to set when Corpse finally pulled up outside the address Sykkuno had given him. He spat another soggy wad of petals into a Kleenex, then exchanged his bloodied face mask for a fresh one. This one was also black, but it had purple-lined teeth on the front. He swallowed hard, grimacing at the taste of blood and greenery. Then, before he could talk himself out of it, he grabbed his phone and stepped out of the car.

He didn't make it three steps up the walk before Sykkuno appeared, dashing toward him and coming to a clumsy halt before him, hands twisting in their oversized sweater sleeves.

"Corpse?" Sykkuno asked, tentative.

"Sykkuno," Corpse rasped. His chest _ached_ , fierce and sharp and punching his breath out of his lungs. Sykkuno came closer, his eyes swimming with longing. His mask was perfect, a pastel blue with a kawaii expression stamped on it.

"Can- can I hug you?" Sykkuno asked. Corpse nodded without thinking and seconds later, Sykkuno's arms enfolded him. He thought it would be fine, no big deal, but as Sykkuno gently tugged him closer, letting him bask in the warmth radiating off Sykkuno, he couldn't stop shaking. His throat burned and he could feel blood bubble up from his lungs.

"I love you," Sykkuno whispered in his ear. "I'm not lying to try and save you. I'm not saying it out of- out of pity or- or anything else. It's true. I love you and I _have_ loved you. For- for months, actually. I just- I never thought it would come to anything, so I didn't- I didn't want to ruin our friendship, but now-" Sykkuno took a deep breath. "When you said guys were into me, I thought- I thought maybe I had a chance. And-" He peeked up at Corpse through his lashes. "I don't know how Hanahaki disease goes away. But I know it _should_ , because your love isn't unrequited. It's um, it's very much requited. If that's a word. Is that a word?"

Corpse opened his mouth to answer, half-laughing, but ended up bent over double, coughing worse than he ever had before. His throat bulged and his mouth filled with the taste of blood and decay. Sykkuno cried out in alarm, but Corpse could barely hear it over the ringing in his ears.

Then he straightened, took a deep breath, and realized with a shock like touching a live wire that the flowers were...

Gone.

"They're gone," Corpse said, wondering. Sykkuno tiptoed closer, grasping Corpse's hands in his own.

"The flowers?" Sykkuno asked. Corpse nodded.

"Good," Sykkuno said firmly. "Um...want to come inside?"

"Yes, please," Corpse said, flushing bright red as soon as he realized that he had just come to his epiphany in the middle of a parking lot, where anyone could see them. Oops.

Sykkuno grasped his hand and led him inside, chattering about inconsequential things. Corpse let them wash over him, feeling like he'd just gone a couple rounds in Pummel Party. His mask had a splotch of blood on one side, reminding him that he hadn't just imagined the flowers choking his lungs.

"Can you drink tea?" Sykkuno asked. Corpse nodded.

"It kind of fucks up my voice," he admitted. "But yeah, I uh- I like tea."

"I'll make it with some honey, if that's okay," Sykkuno decided. Corpse nodded again. Sykkuno's place was nice, he noticed, looking around. It was nothing like his own. Bright and cheerful, with little mementos tucked everywhere. Nothing like his own dark and dreary apartment. He supposed he couldn't help at least some of it. Light was hard for him, and he still had appearances to maintain, after all.

A comfortable silence fell as Sykkuno bustled around, making the tea. He returned with two mugs, giving Corpse the Nightmare Before Christmas one. Corpse had to smile at Jack Skellington's face as he accepted it.

"Thanks," he said, taking a sip. It soothed his throat, at least for now, slowly erasing the memory of blood and rotting flowers. "Hey, Sykkuno?"

"Yeah?" Sykkuno asked, looking up. He had perched next to Corpse on the sofa, tucking his legs underneath him. He looked concerned. "What is it, Corpse? Is it bad? I can make a different flavor if you want-"

"The flavor's fine," Corpse said. "That, uh, that's not it." Gentle inquisitiveness took over Sykkuno's face as he settled back and sipped his own tea.

"What is it?" Sykkuno asked.

"I love you," Corpse blurted out. Sykkuno smiled, for once not covering his mouth with his hand.

"I love you, too," Sykkuno said, as easily as breathing. He scooted closer, careful not to let his tea spill, and leaned his head against Corpse's shoulder. "We'll figure this out, yeah?"

"Yeah," Corpse said. "Yeah, we will."

He took a breath. It was clear. Unnoticed by either of them, a green petal slipped from a crease in his jeans, landing forgotten on the floor.

It was the last.


End file.
